Approaching 2000 Approaches

Approaching 2000 Approaches

I started doing Daygame seriously in August 2017. Today, I’m at 1956 approaches. I keep an open What’sApp chat with Nash and record almost all of my approaches there. A few times a month I enter the stats in Excel. I consider it an approach if I am able to open my mouth and she hears it, I include all my blowouts, conversations with girls who have boyfriends, leads (phone, instagram, fb, linkedin, business cards, WeChat, line, whatever) etc.

In nearly 2000 approaches, I have gotten 128 leads, and gone on over 50 dates, kissed a few dozen, and seduced 4 wonderful girls – 2 of whom I am in occasional contact with, and one of whom has flown from Europe at her own expense to visit me and is likely to do so again.

Some people may think I’m a bum for only seducing 4 girls after 2000 approaches, and they are welcome to think so. But before you judge me so harshly, have a look at my progression and the lessons learned:

All my approaches. Note there is an uptick in the slope in June 2018 and another in November 2018.

These were numbers and leads, the first year was slow going. I was running out of things to say after approaching, not stacking, ejecting early from sets, suffering from a weaker frame. July 2018 and January 2019 are the major inflection points.

Again, I experienced some beginners luck in Sept 2017, but I was also approaching much lower quantities. July 2018 was where I started to do enough volume.

For the last 4 months, I’ve had about a 10% chance of getting a lead from an approach. I have about a 40% chance of getting a date from a lead. And about a 10% chance of seduction from there. For those who can’t do the math that suggests 0.4% or 4 seductions per 1000 approaches. My real stats are at 4 per 2000. Hmm. First two seductions came at around 370 and 540 approaches, 3rd at 1100 and 4th at around 1800. That 1100-1800 gap was 700 approaches. Did I mention it was winter? Doesn’t matter, I feel like I’m on the cusp of taking off.

So one big observation I want to share is the work rate. How many girls do you need to approach to get better? There are guys out there who say you should just do 1 approach a day. While that’s better than nothing, I don’t think it’s enough. I think the answer is 5, and here is my data to back that up:

There is an inflection point in July 2018, after 11 months, once I started to do over 70 approaches a month (2-3/day on average) and a second inflection point in November 2018 when I started to consistently do 130-150 per month (4-5/day on average).

I feel like I wasted my first year of daygame by not approaching enough. I was dating the two girls I met and seduced – taking a K-selected approach, so that did cut into my approaching. I was also amused that this daygame stuff actually worked, and that I was getting good enough to do it consistently.

Also, around July 2018 I sorted out my fashion. I found some looks that really worked for me, both summer and winter looks. That improved my confidence and the responses and I was energized to approach more. Fitness wasn’t an issue for me and I’m neither tall nor short, but style can always be improved.

Also, since November, I’ve only had 3 consecutive days of not approaching. One was Dec 23-25 and one was when I was visiting a relative who lives in a city where the daygame sucks. Because of this consistency, I really don’t have much approach anxiety and the momentum is just constant.

My prescription for doing daygame and getting decent is going out almost every day and working up to an average of 4-5 approaches per day. I have primarily run daygame in NYC so I can’t comment on if that amount of volume is possible in other cities in the world, but I imagine London, Tokyo and a few others might work.

Also worth mentioning that I met one of my regular wings on the street, he approached a girl I was about to approach, and we became friends and daygame regularly. Nash also introduced me to Magnum and to the world via Anonymous Twitter, which has also provided some interesting contacts including Roy Walker, Thomas Crown, and Mr V. Special thanks to my wings and to Nick Krauser for writing those fantastic books, particularly Daygame Infinite and Daygame Mastery.

Quality

In July 2018 and especially since November 2018, I’ve noticed that I’ve been very happy with the quality of girls I have been meeting and dating: models, actresses, tourists, artists, musicians, dancers, doctors, accountants, students, interns and a few shop girls. I’ve been attracted to all of them and really enjoyed my dates with each one. I have no fear of missing out – the money I spend to live in New York is being well spent.

In February, I began to have problems with too many leads, too many dates to try and schedule at the same time (a problem that continues to this day), and my dates were inconsistent. I talked to Magnum about his two date model and watched a Tom Torero video and those helped streamline some bad habits that had formed from my previous escapades with night game and Tinder ( I deleted Tinder in May 2017 and never looked back). I’ve also been focusing on improving my texting and escalating on dates. It’s working. I expect my yield will go up.

Conclusion

My answer is 5. Do an average of 5 approaches to day to learn this stuff. Your solution might be different. Get out there and approach. Girls like champions, and champions don’t make excuses.

Emotional Regulation: Rejection Modes

Emotional Regulation: Rejection Modes

One of the reasons athletes are successful with women is they are trained to take action (approach) and they are resilient after failure. They are able to shake off a failure as being in the past and get ready for the next point, down, match, game, race, etc.

I don’t have any major emotional response to rejection on the street. The biggest realization was that most of the time it isn’t me. This has been programmed into me after about 1500 approaches.

And I do get approach anxiety on occasion still, but I don’t consider it a problem. It goes away after I see an inspiring enough woman to approach, and once the first approach is out of the way, it’s much easier.

One of the reasons for writing this post is how much noise there is on Anonymous Twitter about approach anxiety – the guys who constantly tweet some platitude about approaching obviously don’t approach enough.


I take notes in a What’sApp chat with Nash at DaysOfGame.com to keep track of how many approaches I do in a day and make notes of anything unusual. He reads them maybe once or twice a week and makes a few comments here and there, but more importantly it is like having a virtual wing – I get a ping of dopamine as a reward when I approach, and I also have been keeping some stats since I started daygaming every day in New York City (which I will share in a future post).

Rejection Mode Checklist (Blowouts)

I cataloged a number of types of blowouts or rejections I have received. It may seem obvious, but this post is for the people who don’t approach enough

  1. Ignore blowout – doesn’t even look at you
  2. Ignore blowout – looks at you without smiling
  3. Ignore blowout – looks at you and smiles but does not stop
  4. Startle – runs away
  5. Hears your compliment. “Not interested” without stopping (might slow down)
  6. Hears your compliment. “Thank you!” without stopping (might slow down)
  7. Stops, listens to your compliment I’m late for something/in a rush/meeting a friend/boyfriend, starts moving
  8. Stops, listens to your compliment I’m married/bf/relationship, starts moving again
  9. Stops, but asks what you are selling, or that you’re the 3rd guy to approach, etc. Usually she met a charity mugger or a string of weak daygamers, this is common around union square
  10. Tells you off. Rare, I’ve had this happen only twice. I usually explain “I just thought you looked nice” and both times the girl apologized afterward and said something like “I have a boyfriend anyway.”

Reasons you get these reactions

  1. She is genuinely happy in her relationship and life (rare but beautiful when you see it)
  2. She is in a genuine rush
  3. She isn’t in the mood to talk
  4. Doesn’t want to explain her relationship situation
  5. Doesn’t find you attractive (not her type)
  6. Doesn’t like your vibe (you hesitated for an instant and that was all it took for her to decide you were weak)
  7. Mistakes you for homeless or charity mugger (review your grooming and fashion choices)
  8. You stopped her at a street corner and she feels obligated to cross the street when the light changes or get on the subway or elevator or some other social pressure

“Attraction is not a choice.”

Mystery

There is a chance she was not attracted to you, which would be a true rejection. But most of the other reasons are not related to that. So don’t take rejection personally – it’s not really rejection. Some girls will be attracted to you (especially if you are in good physical condition and dress well) and it will surprise you. It still surprises me (and it shouldn’t).

Positive Reaction Checklist

  1. The light up. Sometimes a girl lights up as soon as you stop her. She feels noticed. Sometimes even if she is trying to ignore you, she still lights up and smiles. I love that.
  2. The light up after the compliment. She wasn’t expecting it and it made her day.
  3. The light up after she pushes you away and you don’t react. This usually happens after an “I have a boyfriend” and I respond with “That’s ok, you can still be interesting, even if you have a boyfriend” This showing of outcome independence somehow causes her to light up, she recognizes your approach as a gift. I like this. It is good for my vibe. Also, when you re-open her in a week or a year, she remembers this.
  4. The hug. Sometimes girls are so excited by the approach that they want to give you a hug. It’s unusual, but it does happen. By extension a kiss on the cheek is not unheard of – I can recall one.
  5. The megatext. After you get a lead (phone number or instagram or whatever), they initiate with a long message about how excited they were to meet you. They are feeling the magic of the world.
  6. The “you look nice too” compliment or “you’re a cool guy” compliment. It’s rare, but I appreciate the validation. I say “thank you” the first time and “I know” if they repeat it.
  7. Thank you for stopping me, it made my day and other forms of “thank you” can be nice if they seem genuine, but some girls will utter an obscene number of thank you’s which indicates something less genuine or that she is uncomfortable or just has no idea what to do. Usually that happens after an early “I have a boyfriend” and my usual lighthearted “That’s ok, run along now” dismissal.
  8. Lead me. I’ve been noticing this recently – her eyes are searching yours for what to do next. She likes your approach, but is unsure what happens now. I’ve messed these up – messed one up yesterday in fact, but in hindsight, any suggestion that could move it forward will do, like going for a number or an instant date.
  9. Giggling. When combined with any of the above, it is intoxicating and super good for the vibe.
  10. In 2-sets, the girls are looking at each other and smiling, girl coding to each other that “this guy is fun, right?”

Indicators of Interest (IOI) on the Street

IOIs in New York just mean you looked interesting or she was curious about you. Maybe she does find you attractive, or she’s merely curious about you, but it could also be that you look like someone she knows, or she liked your shoes or some fashion accessory you were wearing (insert peacock emoji here). It could also be that she has a boyfriend, maybe she’s bored, or maybe she was in an emotional mood to daydream about you. You have no idea, and you’re not entitled to anything, but you can go find out by talking to her.

Even if you get an IOI, you are not guaranteed a positive reaction, anything can happen. “Why did she look at me if she as a boyfriend?” Doesn’t matter – the same reason she didn’t look at you because she was single. Go talk to her whether she looked at you or not. Maybe she looked at you and you didn’t see it.

I usually get a lead (phone number or instagram or facebook) about 10% of the time. That’s one approach in 10. I’m sure I could pad my statistics if I only approached girls who gave me IOIs, but I don’t care about padding the numbers (and I also don’t trust myself to catch all the IOIs I get). I care about getting what I want, which means approaching girls I find attractive or interesting looking whether or not I noticed them looking at me. When they light up, it’s a gift I usually get for giving the gift of my approach. I love that, it’s good for my vibe.


Writing about my Daygame Experiences

Writing about my Daygame Experiences

I resisted as long as I could.

I have met some really cool people recently via Anonymous Twitter and it has convinced me that the benefits of blogging will outweigh the risks.

I don’t care if you read it. I’m not interested in monetizing or selling anything related to daygame or being a daygame coach (which is truly a thankless job).

The real value of daygame is meeting other guys who “get it” and they usually have their lives in order and are some of the best networking contacts a fellow could make – some of them might even become friends.

Women have many wonderful qualities, one of which is functioning as a filter for men to recognize other good men to associate with.