Playing to Win Versus Playing to Not Lose

Playing to Win Versus Playing to Not Lose

Several dates and conversations led me to a big epiphany this week about playing to win instead of playing to not lose.

Approaching to win: I realized that a lot of my approaches have gone down a cultural interview path, or a friendly chat. Any leads from those go nowhere. I have been regularly guilty of playing to not lose: not teasing enough (not wanting to lose by having her possibly get offended), not making an attempt at holding them there longer (“ok, bye” instead of “hold on” that MrVDaygame uses), and not shutting up on occasion and letting them invest (and trying too hard to carry the conversation and keep it going when they just aren’t hooking). To stop doing this and open with the intention of winning, I have to go in with a stronger tease (which could fail) and be more polarizing with more spikes and “hold on, stay put” frame (which can be rejected), and giving them an opportunity to invest (which they may not). Higher quality sets will yield higher quality leads.

Texting to win: you could lose a girl to being overeager, and you could lose a girl to being too cool. Trying to time it just right and playing to not lose can trap you either way. I think I have been playing it too cool and too overeager at just the wrong times. My current model (which I am now testing) is to keep the energy going with a light tease text (nice to meet you Ms. Orange Soda) or something, and then try and keep the energy going, not falling into the trap (as Nash called it) of waiting too long and being too cool (a symptom of playing to not lose by overcompensating for not wanting to come across too eager/ thirsty). Girls in New York City are bombarded with men and activities and all sorts of distractions so you have to harvest their attention while you have it (trying to keep their attention would qualify as playing not to lose). So as long as they are compliant, I am now trying to respond rather quickly and with some light banter, and try and seed a date and get them out (as one should). 

Anywhere along that line they can break things and cease being compliant and that is where an active push is the right move. An example of the push is when you attempt to invite her out for a drink (and this happened to me yesterday) and she says “can’t I have yoga at 715” and doesn’t offer an alternative time. I made fun of her lightly by “yoga yoga yoga yoga” and she responded with “I know, I know” and was more compliant after that. Still didn’t end up getting her out for other reasons, but I know she’s a dead lead and I played it to win. It felt good to know.

There are also girls that just want to be text buddies and never come out. By playing not to lose, she wins a friend. Yes, I am speculating that female friendships with each other are about as strong/valuable as a text buddy relationship (not very) and because you are afraid to lose, you end up losing your limited and valuable time on this earth.

Dating to win: Nash talks about trying to kiss a girl every date. Magnum talks about not kissing a girl on a short first date so that things escalate further and faster on the second date. Different methods, I’ve tried them both. Both work. What’s important is they have a plan, and they’re both dating to win. 

Regarding dates: I had a date with a 2-set from Europe with MrVDaygame a week or so ago, and each thread of the conversation that he started had some point and often it was sexual. My conversational threads were all over the place and while some of my threads were teasing and sexual, there were enough neutral or repetitive threads that made it more of a fun cultural chat, as opposed to a sexual man-to-woman date conversation. I kept checking (and re-checking) certain conversational boxes over and over because I enjoyed talking about them, not because it was moving the seduction forward; this is not game, in fact it is anti-game. It is a trap I was falling into for a looooooong time, easily since I was a teenager. It’s humbling to be able to abstract my former attempt at “game” as “Oh you like _____ too! Let’s talk about _____. Of course she’ll like me if we both like to talk about _____ and I tease her a bit and escalate” and while it did work on occasion if she really liked me, if she was on the fence the anti-game would repel her because it is a subtle form of playing not to lose. And the worst part is, I thought I had game. Ugh. Instead, the way to go is acknowledging and appreciating a mutual interest and then cutting the thread and moving the seduction train forward: “I like that you like _____, it makes me feel like we have a connection. What’s that funny look you’re giving me, you nerd? *playful push*”

Regarding series of dates: Particularly Russian speakers and New York career girls on the wrong side of 28 like to have rules in place for how many dates it takes to seduce them. I like to move fast enough to get their attention and show off some confidence (I like it when they are kissing me with a big smile and telling me “You move pretty fast” though I fuck this up occasionally by trying to move too fast and coming across as too eager not going 2 steps forward and 1 step back). Occasionally, when I move that fast, and we have comfort, then little compliance and frame tests come up. Come visit me in Brooklyn! (before we’ve had a sexy time). Enough of these, and you realize it just isn’t going to happen for whatever reason. Her programming is to not get pregnant with the wrong guy, and I am running into all sorts of fences to the possibility of the sexy situation where she could possibly get pregnant. By putting up with that, I am playing to not lose. To her it looks like I am so invested in the idea of getting with her that I will put up with whatever bullshit she wants to throw at me; as a result we are less likely to get together and stay together if we do get together. Ultimately it’s a waste of time and energy.

Many romantic stories are told by grandparents (“He just kept pursuing me! I finally had to say yes!”), but I suspect that those stories are omitting that some small amount of progress or compliance was being demonstrated each time, or it’s just Grandma reminiscing about what it felt like to be pursued.

What is the advantage of playing to win?

My hypothesis is that playing to not lose is less likely have winning outcomes. Your energy is focused on winning and winning only. Sounds a lot like the idea of top guy that Nash and Yohami keep bandying about: top guy has so much abundance he can only see the girls saying yes and doesn’t even notice any girl saying no. I’m not top guy, but I occasionally get a taste when a girl tornado gets going (where I have more leads than I can manage) and only the girls that step forward make it through because they are all I can see. When I’m not in a girl tornado, I can emulate top guy behavior by playing to win.

There’s a classic wall street book “Hedge Fund Market Wizards” about successful Hedge Fund managers by Jack Schwager, and in his interview with Ed Seykota, he asked “What are the elements of good trading?” Ed’s response “The elements of good trading are: 1) cutting losses, 2) cutting losses, and 3) cutting losses. If you can follow these three rules, you may have a chance.” There’s an old trader saying that is at least 150 years old: “let your winners run and cut your losses short.” As Nash has said, if he’s making progress with a girl, letting it take a few more dates to seduce her is very OK. He’s letting a winning girl run. A calibrated play to win.

By having a lot of volume and approaching often, it can set you up to play to win and emulate top guy behavior, as you are forced to cut girls quickly when they disappear or don’t comply or otherwise misbehave, and just the winners remain in the running (until they misbehave). You cut your losses by avoiding chasing her (and rewarding her bad behavior) or attempting to negotiate desire and get her to come around, which frequently ends up being a waste of effort and energy. You can then focus your energy on the winners or looking for more winners.

I have also found it to be emotionally relieving to identify the girls who are going to not comply or behave badly, make one attempt at a corrective action, and then let them go if it doesn’t work. I gave them a shot, played to win, didn’t work, move on and don’t think about it further. This is also the mindset of elite athletes, if they miss a shot, they shake it off, and focus their energy on the next one, that unhindered psychological focus is a big part of their training and development that enables them to perform at an elite level.

Play to win.

2 years on… …is daygame worth it?

2 years on… …is daygame worth it?

Yes, but not for the reasons you might expect.

Many people have expectations and fantasies even about what daygamers do. Most daygamers, even the advanced ones think they should be doing better than they are.

Originally, I was going to start Daygame in 2013. Nash, who was one of my friends and nightgame wings at the time was like “Oh Shiiiiit! Runner’s serious. He’s going to get good at daygame and leave me in the dust, I better get started…” …and he did. Meanwhile, after ordering Krauser’s books, I got a girlfriend (from okcupid), and was then poached out of that relationship by another girl (from my social circle), and then I broke it off with her and moved to New York and tried Tinder for a few years. It stopped working for me in 2017, I don’t exactly know what changed, but I decided to drop Tinder (I didn’t officially delete it until May 2018, and I closed a few girls off it while starting daygame).

So I started and committed to daygame on August 6th, 2017. I forced myself to go out regularly. Now, 2 years later, I’ve done 2371 approaches as of August 5th 2019, and closed 4 girls. 600 the first year, 1800 the second year. Most of my improvement came in the second year, I just wasn’t approaching enough in my first year.

Here’s some raw data:

The Raw Numbers

I currently have a 10% chance of getting a lead (e.g. a number) from an interaction. 90% of my leads are phone numbers and a few are instagram or facebook. I got one email once from a ballerina who never responded.

Visual representation of how much you should approach.

Note the slope became consistent with more approaches, 5/day on average is what it takes.

First instadate was at 100 approaches, first date + makeout at 250 approaches, first close at 370 approaches, second close at 540 approaches, third at 1110, fourth at 1820. Based on those numbers my expected yield would be somewhere around 1/450 close to open. If those are my stats, I’m overdue for a new +1 anytime now, but I have 2 strong prospects, one of whom is getting back from a 2 week vacation tomorrow (she’s been in touch regularly while on vacation) so I’m pretty optimistic that my stats are consistent.

I was hoping that my yield would be higher, but I am starting to accept that it will get higher over time.

Could I have had a higher yield?

Yes. I don’t need to pad my numbers to sell anything. My sole motivation for doing this is my own satisfaction and achieving my own goals. There are a few girls who wanted it (they were strong maybe or yes girls) and I turned them down because something was off, I didn’t want the risk of dealing with them – sticking your dick in crazy is a little more dangerous in America – litigation and social media #metoo nonsense have caused some girls to miss out on sexy times with me.

I also have had a number of near misses, where I escalated too fast or too slow or made obvious mistakes on the date. These were the tuition of learning calibration. I thought they were sure things, and maybe I fucked it up, or something else derailed the train.

I had to unlearn many bad habits that were taught to me by a previous life in nightgame and the Tinder experience. I do occasionally go on a night out, but it is less than once a month, and lately Mr. V and I have started trying out some areas of Manhattan on Friday or Saturday between 10 PM and 1AM for this thing called gutter game. It’s fun, it’s like we found a new candy store. I should have been doing this earlier, but better late than never.

Daygame in New York is hard. New York city has so many people from so many parts of the world (many of them are even the infamous shithole countries) that it has become a low trust society. Girls assume you are trying to sell them something or worse and will often just have a frame of “I don’t talk to guys on the street.” By being fit and dressing well (meaning stylish, not expensive) and smiling and having a lower voice and a good vibe, you can get them to stop, but that still guarantees nothing…

My yield might also be lower because I approach models and actresses that are running around the city. I feel entitled to it because I have gotten enough numbers and dates with some of them. I have not closed any of the girls of this caliber, but I have come close. It got easier when I stopped caring and pedestalizing them and realized that they are just like other girls. When I approach these types of girls the response is usually very polarized – it’s a low yield but high reward.

Finally, at the risk of sharing what may be a limiting belief or a weasel: One other reason I have considered for my yield being lower is that I have a more introverted personality type, and I’m an intuitive. That’s what’s known as a nerd for those of you who don’t know much about personality types. I can have a good connection with any other personality type, but some are more likely to connect with me than others. I consider psychological chemistry to be similarly important to physical chemistry, and my personality type is rarer and I connect deeper when I do connect, but less frequently. If I had a different personality type, I would either 1) be terrible at daygame or 2) be more successful by a made up estimated factor of 2-5 based on self reported results from twitter guys and have more lays to my daygame career. Maybe that’s bullshit, I’m going to do another year of daygame and I’ll let you know what I think next year.

What have I gained?

In a word: growth.

I’m seasoned now (though I still consider myself an intermediate daygamer). Some days I need a quick warmup to get the social muscles going, other days I just start out hot. Approach anxiety still happens, as does approach apathy, but they are not obstacles or anything that would be considered a problem. I’m more likely to approach girls in my daily life – luck is opportunity meeting preparation, and I am prepared to meet girls when the opportunity presents itself.

In approaching, I do fine alone, it’s more fun with wings and I think I can go longer and it is helpful to have someone spotting IOIs, but it is occasionally a competitive situation between Mr. V and I. I try to let him have the redheads (we call them Wendy’s after the restaurant), unless he’s in another interaction, then I have to approach.

I am internally validated. I’m sure there are some people that are following me on twitter and definitely a few of my friends that know I do daygame who are like “you really talk to 450 girls just to make the sex with one of them?” or recently “that seems like a poor use of time. I can get 4 dates a week on tinder or hinge.” Sure. Good for you. Cool story bro. When Tinder or Hinge or whatever dries up – what will you do then my man?

Internal validation is soooooo gooooood for my vibe. I am happy with the girls I am meeting, and I am enjoying talking to girls, and I am improving and becoming a better man. I feel like a reasonably well-adjusted man most of the time, and some girls have even commented on it. No one can manage my vibe for me, and it’s fully my responsibility to develop and maintain.

I pedestalize girls much less than before. Nash used to say that any time I mentioned I got a number from a model, he knew it was going to be a bad time for me, I had already pedestalized her. Now I don’t seem to care as much and I am mainly looking for signs she is into me.

The biggest improvement I have had to make to my “game” is teasing. Teasing is so fundamental to attraction, and part of the reason my yield was so low to start is that I was too serious and didn’t tease well or enough. I have a feeling Roy Walker and Thomas Crowne probably sensed that about me when they met me (serious and enthusiastic). Mr. V is very good at teasing, and by hanging out with him, I have absorbed much more and easily gotten 100% better in my approaches since I started hanging out with him. It also just makes it more fun. Fun is good for one’s vibe. Teasing is also creative and feels like poetry to me. Many of the great seducers of history were also poets (need a reference to back up this assertion), and I am starting to see the connection. Still working on this.

I can now handle the extreme weather. The extreme NYC summer temperatures of 107F (41C) (it’s been 85-95F (30-35C) for most of July 2019) and winter temperatures of -20 are not a complete impediment, but I have strategies for dealing with them (fashion choices, going indoors, etc.).

I’m better at texting. I write shorter texts with more commanding and leading, my pings are more fun, and I have realized that even if you don’t text perfectly, if she likes you, it doesn’t matter. I have become a daygame stoic, shedding the mystical worship of the daygame gods and the belief in a magic text that will make her like me enough to actually come out on a date. I still wish there was a magic text, but I’ve cured that expectation so I’m more outcome independent and that pays dividends in my day to day vibe. Still constantly improving. Mr. V and I will also sometimes review texts as we are more impartial, and that editing really helps hone what should be sent as a text message and what is better said in person. We do come up with some really funny stuff sometimes that does not end up getting sent. Still working on this.

I’m better at dating. I spend a lot less money (some second dates would cost me $40-$60-$90 and then I would get ghosted), and now I try and kiss girls relatively quickly to determine if they are into me or not. I am wasting a lot less time chasing girls that are “just not that into me” and also filtering out the foxy illegal economic migrants from Eastern Europe who move here looking for an under the table waitressing or nanny job and English lessons (and maybe they are looking for a guy, but somehow I don’t end up being their type or perhaps I’m lost in the r-K-selection wilderness). Still working on this.

On dates where I know she likes me, I can be bolder and more playful and thus be even more attractive and really have a great experience together. It’s rewarding and very seductive to feel powerful on a date. I feel that way much more often now. My logistics are more efficient, so things move faster. Still working on this (noticing the pattern here?).

Conclusion

I’m pleased with my progress so far, and I’m going to stick with it. This next year I aim to get better at approaching in shops and other retail establishments like this guy. I hope my yield goes up, I anticipate that it will, but even if it doesn’t that’s OK. You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need. I’m going to keep going. Daygame Stoicism.

The Daygame Gold Rush

The Daygame Gold Rush

This post isn’t about monetizing game or products or email lists and shit like that. Daygame discussion on Twitter and the Internet is a mess. Just like any gold rush, there is a lot of commotion, activity, and excitement. Is there much gold?

The reports of many men on Twitter make it seem like gold is everywhere on the street, just waiting to be picked up. So many men set out to look for gold, traveling to California or the Yukon or Papua New Guinea or wherever the latest gold rush is announced.

Fools Gold

The conception in society is that you (man or woman) should just be yourself and walk around and you will magically find gold in your daily life. You just have to believe…

There are men claiming to participate in the gold rush, claiming to have struck it rich already, who claim to find gold regularly, but really the tiny amount of gold they find is augmented by another business, where they hunt for gold in the night markets, or they match in an online gold market, or purchase it outright from gold selling services. These men are often hustling and working hard for their gold, but they are not gold miners.

There are boot camps that charge thousands of dollars to take people out looking for gold.

There are many sellers of maps to gold, who may or may not have found gold, but definitely make money selling maps to tourists and naive greenhorn miners.

There are guys selling shovels, pickaxes, gold pans, tools, lamps, tents, boots, jeans, shirts, hair pomade, diet advice, fitness advice to help in the search for gold.

There are guys who tell you how amazing it is to have found gold and what crazy things you can do once you have found it, things that other men dream about, but 99% of men will never experience. These same men truly believe in the Cities of Gold, the lost mine of El Dorado and other tales of fabulous wealth.

There are even a few women who tell you how much gold they have to offer a man, and how wonderful it is to share their gold with a man (but only a man who can find gold, much more preferably a man who has already found gold). There are many women with no gold who only want a man who can find gold and has found gold but don’t want to offer him any gold (usually because they don’t have any to offer).

There are guys who just want the validation of being perceived as lucky or clever enough to find gold.

There are guys who want the validation of being a seeker of gold, whether or not they find it.

There are guys who want recognition or a pat on the back for trying really hard to find gold and failing.

There are guys who are preaching about gold fever, and how careful one should be about pursuing gold, and the evils of what can happen to men who find it.

There are guys who obsess about how pure their gold should be, and how to identify both pure and adulterated gold.

Fools Gold (Pyrite)
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pyrite-pb29a.jpg

There are guys who find fools gold (or worse: BUY it) and run around proclaiming they are rich beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. Some will realize their error, and some will die believing they are fabulously wealthy.

Finders

There are a few instruction manuals with advanced techniques for prospecting and extracting gold, but most men can’t be bothered to read the manuals. And if they read the manuals, they then have to go out into the hills and start digging. It is intimidating because it looks like hard work. It is.

There are guys who just seem to get genuinely excited by finding gold. It’s a beautiful thing, watching a guy strike gold. Watching his hard work pay off.

Some have found gold and then waste it on drink, card games at casinos (or the modern electronic equivalent), and maybe even prostitutes.

The more prudent miners who have found gold don’t talk as much, and many have an understated style. Being flashy attracts the greenhorns and claim jumpers and that’s bad for business.

If you can identify the successful miners, you can learn a lot, as they will often share a lot of knowledge. They are hanging out mostly with other seasoned and salty miners, easily identifiable by the wear patterns on their boots and jeans, the calluses on their hands, the relaxed, patient confidence from toiling day in and day out.

Some of the old timers enjoy hazing any greenhorn miners that get too close or are riding too high on the hog. They do respect hustle and hard work when accompanied by a modest temperament and a good vibe.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gold_prospector.jpg

So what I am doing here?

I’m building a gold mine.

I tried hunting for gold at the night markets. I tried matching for gold online. I found some gold in my social circle, but it wasn’t enough gold.

2 years ago, I bought a shovel, a pickaxe and a gold pan. I packed a rifle a bowie knife, and a handful of salt. I bought appropriate clothing. I bought and read the fucking manuals. I did a lot of prospecting, then picked a claim, built a cabin and I started digging a mine. It was hard at first. It still is.

I suffer openly from gold fever, yet my temperament remains steadfast. I dig almost every day. I found a few nuggets, and I am convinced there is more “gold in them thar hills” (as a character of Mark Twain’s once said).

Sometimes my mine collapses and I have to dig it out again – it’s rough when that happens. Sometimes I find gold when I am digging out my old mine after a collapse.

My hope is that I will find some significant amount of gold, that it will be enough, and then I will be free to go do something else. That may be naive. I may be a gold miner for the rest of my life. Perhaps my mine will produce gold well into my old age. It’s possible that I will never find gold, or won’t find enough, and will just become a crazy old man looking for the motherlode of gold on a claim that doesn’t have any.

In the meantime, I’m just in my cabin or at my mine, doing the work that needs to be done and shooting shots in the air to ward off any coyotes or claim jumpers that get close enough to fuck with my vibe.

Finally, in case you are not the brightest kerosene lamp in the mine and are thinking: WTF did I just read? Gold is an analogy for intimacy and sex. Daygame is mining. I had fun writing this.

My Method for How to Learn Daygame

My Method for How to Learn Daygame

I’m still learning, but I’ve made such progress in the past year and it would be good to share a few thoughts on how to make rapid progress.

Volume is the most important thing. You must approach in volume, and as I said in my last post, an average of 5 approaches a day is about right. It is important to be in a larger city where you can get this kind of volume. In NYC this is no problem – there are enough women here.

First you start approaching, and just get girls to stop and give them a compliment. Even if you did only this, some girls would throw their numbers at you.

However, most of the time you will run out of things to say. You will have to develop a stack of teases and common conversational topics about nothing (weather, fashion, grocery shopping, whatever) and learn how to lead conversations about nothing and turn them into something.

Then you’ll start getting numbers (when you ask for them – took me way too long to be confident to ask for numbers, I know I left many numbers on the table).

With numbers comes the next level of learning to text, and learning to not care about texting. I only recently turned off my read receipts on what’s app and I felt better. Just send it and don’t worry about if the girl read it or not, she will respond if she likes you and won’t if she doesn’t. Knowing that she read it and didn’t respond will just trigger any neuroses you may have. You will develop some gambits and patterns or templates for texting. (Ping, Respond, Amplify, Respond, Seed date request while the phone is in her hand, etc.)

Then a girl shows up on a date. You need a date template to 1) have a plan, 2)lead her along that plan, 3) recognize when things are not going according to plan 4) improvise and try and get things back on track as needed.

A good resource for designing dates and date templates is Tom Torero’s valentines day gift to us. I have also recommended this video to my friends that use Tinder or Bumble to meet girls when they ask me for help with dating.

So after applying volume (5 approaches a day) for a while you will develop templates for the basic steps:

  1. Initially meeting girls and getting their number
  2. Texting girls to get them out on dates
  3. Going on a date with a girl

‘Yes’ girls tend to stick with the plan, that’s compliance and them helping you seduce them. ‘No’ girls deviate very quickly from your plan if they come out at all. ‘Maybe’ girls will turn into no girls unless you do something. Some people think that is game, as Nash says “Does she like you because you’re running good game, or are you running good game because she likes you?

Once you have all these templates and techniques and some practice, it really comes down to leading things toward what you want and connecting with her. Really getting to know her goes well beyond whether or not she is complying (giving you her number when you first meet her, texting you back, coming out on a date, kissing you on the date, etc.) and it’s really enjoyable when you are confident enough in yourself (through experience built upon successful templates honed by volume) to explore another person. Exploring and connecting to someone is independent of relationships, I’m not promoting R or K selection (long-term or short-term mating strategies) here, just selection in general.

It was not straight progress. I would often be stuck for weeks, trying to figure out how to be consistent. Things like not teasing correctly, conversational topics during a daygame approach, texting to get girls out on dates, escalating on dates, picking date venues were stumbling blocks along the way. When I hit a stumbling block then I would reread some or all of Daygame Infinite or Daygame Mastery (the new printing with the tacky cover art) by Krauser – what I was doing wrong was always self-diagnosable with those books. Whatever your problem is, it is very likely in there and if you reread them regularly, even if you aren’t having issues, it will help anywhere along the chain of events from getting her to stop to dominating her in the bedroom. I also watch Tom Torero’s video before dates sometimes to help remind myself about what to do or not do.

And before you ask: No, I’m not going to share my templates – they were built on my personality. Maybe they suck. Develop your own personality.

Approaching 2000 Approaches

Approaching 2000 Approaches

I started doing Daygame seriously in August 2017. Today, I’m at 1956 approaches. I keep an open What’sApp chat with Nash and record almost all of my approaches there. A few times a month I enter the stats in Excel. I consider it an approach if I am able to open my mouth and she hears it, I include all my blowouts, conversations with girls who have boyfriends, leads (phone, instagram, fb, linkedin, business cards, WeChat, line, whatever) etc.

In nearly 2000 approaches, I have gotten 128 leads, and gone on over 50 dates, kissed a few dozen, and seduced 4 wonderful girls – 2 of whom I am in occasional contact with, and one of whom has flown from Europe at her own expense to visit me and is likely to do so again.

Some people may think I’m a bum for only seducing 4 girls after 2000 approaches, and they are welcome to think so. But before you judge me so harshly, have a look at my progression and the lessons learned:

All my approaches. Note there is an uptick in the slope in June 2018 and another in November 2018.

These were numbers and leads, the first year was slow going. I was running out of things to say after approaching, not stacking, ejecting early from sets, suffering from a weaker frame. July 2018 and January 2019 are the major inflection points.

Again, I experienced some beginners luck in Sept 2017, but I was also approaching much lower quantities. July 2018 was where I started to do enough volume.

For the last 4 months, I’ve had about a 10% chance of getting a lead from an approach. I have about a 40% chance of getting a date from a lead. And about a 10% chance of seduction from there. For those who can’t do the math that suggests 0.4% or 4 seductions per 1000 approaches. My real stats are at 4 per 2000. Hmm. First two seductions came at around 370 and 540 approaches, 3rd at 1100 and 4th at around 1800. That 1100-1800 gap was 700 approaches. Did I mention it was winter? Doesn’t matter, I feel like I’m on the cusp of taking off.

So one big observation I want to share is the work rate. How many girls do you need to approach to get better? There are guys out there who say you should just do 1 approach a day. While that’s better than nothing, I don’t think it’s enough. I think the answer is 5, and here is my data to back that up:

There is an inflection point in July 2018, after 11 months, once I started to do over 70 approaches a month (2-3/day on average) and a second inflection point in November 2018 when I started to consistently do 130-150 per month (4-5/day on average).

I feel like I wasted my first year of daygame by not approaching enough. I was dating the two girls I met and seduced – taking a K-selected approach, so that did cut into my approaching. I was also amused that this daygame stuff actually worked, and that I was getting good enough to do it consistently.

Also, around July 2018 I sorted out my fashion. I found some looks that really worked for me, both summer and winter looks. That improved my confidence and the responses and I was energized to approach more. Fitness wasn’t an issue for me and I’m neither tall nor short, but style can always be improved.

Also, since November, I’ve only had 3 consecutive days of not approaching. One was Dec 23-25 and one was when I was visiting a relative who lives in a city where the daygame sucks. Because of this consistency, I really don’t have much approach anxiety and the momentum is just constant.

My prescription for doing daygame and getting decent is going out almost every day and working up to an average of 4-5 approaches per day. I have primarily run daygame in NYC so I can’t comment on if that amount of volume is possible in other cities in the world, but I imagine London, Tokyo and a few others might work.

Also worth mentioning that I met one of my regular wings on the street, he approached a girl I was about to approach, and we became friends and daygame regularly. Nash also introduced me to Magnum and to the world via Anonymous Twitter, which has also provided some interesting contacts including Roy Walker, Thomas Crown, and Mr V. Special thanks to my wings and to Nick Krauser for writing those fantastic books, particularly Daygame Infinite and Daygame Mastery.

Quality

In July 2018 and especially since November 2018, I’ve noticed that I’ve been very happy with the quality of girls I have been meeting and dating: models, actresses, tourists, artists, musicians, dancers, doctors, accountants, students, interns and a few shop girls. I’ve been attracted to all of them and really enjoyed my dates with each one. I have no fear of missing out – the money I spend to live in New York is being well spent.

In February, I began to have problems with too many leads, too many dates to try and schedule at the same time (a problem that continues to this day), and my dates were inconsistent. I talked to Magnum about his two date model and watched a Tom Torero video and those helped streamline some bad habits that had formed from my previous escapades with night game and Tinder ( I deleted Tinder in May 2017 and never looked back). I’ve also been focusing on improving my texting and escalating on dates. It’s working. I expect my yield will go up.

Conclusion

My answer is 5. Do an average of 5 approaches to day to learn this stuff. Your solution might be different. Get out there and approach. Girls like champions, and champions don’t make excuses.

Emotional Regulation: Rejection Modes

Emotional Regulation: Rejection Modes

One of the reasons athletes are successful with women is they are trained to take action (approach) and they are resilient after failure. They are able to shake off a failure as being in the past and get ready for the next point, down, match, game, race, etc.

I don’t have any major emotional response to rejection on the street. The biggest realization was that most of the time it isn’t me. This has been programmed into me after about 1500 approaches.

And I do get approach anxiety on occasion still, but I don’t consider it a problem. It goes away after I see an inspiring enough woman to approach, and once the first approach is out of the way, it’s much easier.

One of the reasons for writing this post is how much noise there is on Anonymous Twitter about approach anxiety – the guys who constantly tweet some platitude about approaching obviously don’t approach enough.


I take notes in a What’sApp chat with Nash at DaysOfGame.com to keep track of how many approaches I do in a day and make notes of anything unusual. He reads them maybe once or twice a week and makes a few comments here and there, but more importantly it is like having a virtual wing – I get a ping of dopamine as a reward when I approach, and I also have been keeping some stats since I started daygaming every day in New York City (which I will share in a future post).

Rejection Mode Checklist (Blowouts)

I cataloged a number of types of blowouts or rejections I have received. It may seem obvious, but this post is for the people who don’t approach enough

  1. Ignore blowout – doesn’t even look at you
  2. Ignore blowout – looks at you without smiling
  3. Ignore blowout – looks at you and smiles but does not stop
  4. Startle – runs away
  5. Hears your compliment. “Not interested” without stopping (might slow down)
  6. Hears your compliment. “Thank you!” without stopping (might slow down)
  7. Stops, listens to your compliment I’m late for something/in a rush/meeting a friend/boyfriend, starts moving
  8. Stops, listens to your compliment I’m married/bf/relationship, starts moving again
  9. Stops, but asks what you are selling, or that you’re the 3rd guy to approach, etc. Usually she met a charity mugger or a string of weak daygamers, this is common around union square
  10. Tells you off. Rare, I’ve had this happen only twice. I usually explain “I just thought you looked nice” and both times the girl apologized afterward and said something like “I have a boyfriend anyway.”

Reasons you get these reactions

  1. She is genuinely happy in her relationship and life (rare but beautiful when you see it)
  2. She is in a genuine rush
  3. She isn’t in the mood to talk
  4. Doesn’t want to explain her relationship situation
  5. Doesn’t find you attractive (not her type)
  6. Doesn’t like your vibe (you hesitated for an instant and that was all it took for her to decide you were weak)
  7. Mistakes you for homeless or charity mugger (review your grooming and fashion choices)
  8. You stopped her at a street corner and she feels obligated to cross the street when the light changes or get on the subway or elevator or some other social pressure

“Attraction is not a choice.”

Mystery

There is a chance she was not attracted to you, which would be a true rejection. But most of the other reasons are not related to that. So don’t take rejection personally – it’s not really rejection. Some girls will be attracted to you (especially if you are in good physical condition and dress well) and it will surprise you. It still surprises me (and it shouldn’t).

Positive Reaction Checklist

  1. The light up. Sometimes a girl lights up as soon as you stop her. She feels noticed. Sometimes even if she is trying to ignore you, she still lights up and smiles. I love that.
  2. The light up after the compliment. She wasn’t expecting it and it made her day.
  3. The light up after she pushes you away and you don’t react. This usually happens after an “I have a boyfriend” and I respond with “That’s ok, you can still be interesting, even if you have a boyfriend” This showing of outcome independence somehow causes her to light up, she recognizes your approach as a gift. I like this. It is good for my vibe. Also, when you re-open her in a week or a year, she remembers this.
  4. The hug. Sometimes girls are so excited by the approach that they want to give you a hug. It’s unusual, but it does happen. By extension a kiss on the cheek is not unheard of – I can recall one.
  5. The megatext. After you get a lead (phone number or instagram or whatever), they initiate with a long message about how excited they were to meet you. They are feeling the magic of the world.
  6. The “you look nice too” compliment or “you’re a cool guy” compliment. It’s rare, but I appreciate the validation. I say “thank you” the first time and “I know” if they repeat it.
  7. Thank you for stopping me, it made my day and other forms of “thank you” can be nice if they seem genuine, but some girls will utter an obscene number of thank you’s which indicates something less genuine or that she is uncomfortable or just has no idea what to do. Usually that happens after an early “I have a boyfriend” and my usual lighthearted “That’s ok, run along now” dismissal.
  8. Lead me. I’ve been noticing this recently – her eyes are searching yours for what to do next. She likes your approach, but is unsure what happens now. I’ve messed these up – messed one up yesterday in fact, but in hindsight, any suggestion that could move it forward will do, like going for a number or an instant date.
  9. Giggling. When combined with any of the above, it is intoxicating and super good for the vibe.
  10. In 2-sets, the girls are looking at each other and smiling, girl coding to each other that “this guy is fun, right?”

Indicators of Interest (IOI) on the Street

IOIs in New York just mean you looked interesting or she was curious about you. Maybe she does find you attractive, or she’s merely curious about you, but it could also be that you look like someone she knows, or she liked your shoes or some fashion accessory you were wearing (insert peacock emoji here). It could also be that she has a boyfriend, maybe she’s bored, or maybe she was in an emotional mood to daydream about you. You have no idea, and you’re not entitled to anything, but you can go find out by talking to her.

Even if you get an IOI, you are not guaranteed a positive reaction, anything can happen. “Why did she look at me if she as a boyfriend?” Doesn’t matter – the same reason she didn’t look at you because she was single. Go talk to her whether she looked at you or not. Maybe she looked at you and you didn’t see it.

I usually get a lead (phone number or instagram or facebook) about 10% of the time. That’s one approach in 10. I’m sure I could pad my statistics if I only approached girls who gave me IOIs, but I don’t care about padding the numbers (and I also don’t trust myself to catch all the IOIs I get). I care about getting what I want, which means approaching girls I find attractive or interesting looking whether or not I noticed them looking at me. When they light up, it’s a gift I usually get for giving the gift of my approach. I love that, it’s good for my vibe.


Writing about my Daygame Experiences

Writing about my Daygame Experiences

I resisted as long as I could.

I have met some really cool people recently via Anonymous Twitter and it has convinced me that the benefits of blogging will outweigh the risks.

I don’t care if you read it. I’m not interested in monetizing or selling anything related to daygame or being a daygame coach (which is truly a thankless job).

The real value of daygame is meeting other guys who “get it” and they usually have their lives in order and are some of the best networking contacts a fellow could make – some of them might even become friends.

Women have many wonderful qualities, one of which is functioning as a filter for men to recognize other good men to associate with.